I just weighed myself: 51.4 kg’s (that is um… 113 lbs). I’m so happy that I have not gained :)

You see, I’ve been on a no-calorie-counting week. I’ve been eating A LOT. Yesterday I ate 100 grams of candy. The day before that I ate a fish burger and fries. This was really not a good idea, but I’m just under a lot of stress and I’ve really been trying not to fall into the nightmare of anorexia again. I don’t want to be hospitalized ever again.

But today and tomorrow are going to be skinny days. 600 kcal’s a day. Today’s consumption: 215 kcal’s. Next meal will be at 5 pm when I’m going for coffee with a friend. 

I forced myself to the gym anyway, and now I feel wonderful!

70 mins of hard workout. I don’t feel so bad I ate that much today… :)

900 cals today. FUCK - THIS!!!

Why am I so fucking weak? 

I want to cut. But I won’t.

Goddamn it. I didn’t even go to the gym like I had planned because I felt like fainting for not having eaten anything yet. And yeah, then I got home and there we go, I blew it.

Make me feel better?

Why can’t I do more than this?! 

I will post a photo of my body and have you rate it :)

Still lots of work to do for that…

goingbacktothin:

I love giving advice and having little chats here and there :)

Come on girls. I don’t bite. Unless u post bad foods that I crave :(

The weekend was wonderful <3 I love my boyfriend so goddamn much! I just want to be with him all the time. But - as I’ve said quite a few times - he’s in the army for at least 6 months. So I’ll just have to do with 2,5 days at a time. Hopefully almost every week <3

On the contrary, I ate way too much. But I had planned a 1500 calories per day weekend anyway, so technically I didn’t fail. But now I’m on a strict diet once again. 5 days, max 800 kcal’s a day. Today I’m not sure how much I’ve consumed, but it’s somewhere around 600 to 800. 

Still need to exercise… I’ve done loads of homework all night and I’m a little fed up with doing anything -.- But I gotta do my sit ups and squats etc.

I felt kinda thin today, probably because I only ate 300 calories during the day and I was STARVING. But now I feel like a fucking whale again. Tomorrow I’m gonna weigh myself and I’m terrified that I might have gained… :(

But I just got home at lunch break and ate a boiled egg and a pear… It’s not too much but I still failed. Well, the rest of the day will go better. And I have made a promise to myself that if I can keep it less than 400 calories it’s always worth a reward! Today I shall reward myself with a slightly shorter jog if I succeed. If not, I will do my regular 60 min jog. Plus LOTS of other workout at home!

Oh crap, 30 more minutes and then I’m gonna have to go to school again :( I definitely do not feel like going. But I have to. And then I have 2 hours of band practice in the evening… I hope I won’t pass out since I won’t eat again today… God I’m so tired! 

Tomorrow is gonna be tricky as well… I’m going to my boyfriend’s by train (he lives 400 km’s from my hometown), and we are going to cook something delicious together. I promised him that I will eat with no restrictions or anxiety about it. But I know I will end up fasting the whole day before we meet, because… you know, I have to! That way I can be happy and have a nice dinner with him :)